i went in, expecting nothingstepping onto the plane, wondering why i was looking for my window seat
wondering what games i am going to plan for the kids
also wondering how the kids are, how the environment is, the condition they're living in, how they will respond to us, etc etc.
but as the week at grand rapids started rolling by, things slowly took their place and i began making an effort to create a personal relationship with the kids
it succeeded, and as a result i had an extremely good time and i think/hope the kids did too
from throwing oranges, to photo scavenger hunt
grand rapids was actually a blast. i built strong friendships between the campers, and i thought i didn't do so bad.
saturday rolled by with a sermon
and i realized when God broke me down, unexpectedly
when Lou spoke about the necessity to pray like we are living in the reserves ourselves, to pray with the children, to pray with your face down on the ground
i realized i completely missed the target.
i failed my first week of missions.
i didn't pray with any of the campers, once.
i didn't try to talk to them about the Great Commission, because i was dumb enough to believe that they probably won't understand anything, but who am i to place that kind of judgement?
regardless of what i may or may not think they understand, i should at least try to talk to them about it, that is what i was there for
the sermon also reminded me of the urgency in spreading the gospel, because people may just die tomorrow. you don't have much control of the future. who knows.
and here i was, passed by one entire week, focussing on a personal relationship rather than a spiritual relationship with the kids.
so with my head down, floor drenched in tears of regret and stupidity, i questioned whether me being in manitoba was God's will, or simply mine. i questioned why the kids at grand rapids have to wait one more year, again, to hear about the Gospel because i screwed them over
i wept
i prayed, for grand rapids. that You still watch over them, protect them, love them
and i prayed for what i can do, in bloodvein
bloodvein was filled with violence, boredom, hopelessness, and hatred
when wiping off the blood of boy's lip, i could still vividly remember his eyes
just, wet and empty, as he stood there playing with the mud water and cup
as i silently took off the blood
i couldn't even imagine how much pain he has gone through his few years of life
and i guess, this reminded me how spoilt i really was,
but i continued on with a worn out body,
looking to build a solid spiritual relationship with the rowdy kids in bloodvein
despite the atrocious rain and mud which hindered our ability to play with the kids and limited us, we knew God has His own way of doing things
but when the pipes broke down and water was completely depleted in the entire reserve, i cried out in frustration
why them? why now? have they not gone though enough?
i realized God was still spoiling me as we left on the second day of the water famine while it is still going on as i type. hopefully water is available as soon as possible, which they said would be tuesday.
and as the week awkwardly ended, i felt a separate feeling compared to the grand rapid kids, a feeling of unfamiliarity, maybe
although i got in many conversations concerning God with many of the kids, even teaching a group how to pray, which was awesome
but as we drove to the airport, all i could see were kids chasing the car, running, biking as fast as they can to catch up to us.
and it hit me
they needed us there.
they were so desperate for love and care.
and yes.
this entry is everywhere, my thoughts are uncollected.
but the trip was amazing.
