how

i couldn't feel it
was i not prepared enough?
eyes not yet opened?
what was holding me back?
in the midst of everything grabbing me by my heart
frustration, anger, hatred, struggle, fatigue
i want to reach out to Him
but my arms won't let me.
i don't understand
why i'm still at square one.
so now i'm starting to wonder.
have we lost it?
or is it just me.
the more i sat in silence,
the louder were the distractions
plagued inside,
screeching my doors to haunt me
giving half is giving none
from half to full, how longer will it take?
how much i want to lift everything up,
to leave it for Him to decide what is right and wrong
and how hard can it be, to accept that it's His plan
and not mine.
there is more than this. i have witnessed.
but the power, the feeling has long been lost
how am i supposed to win this war?