retreat09

i didn't know what to expect from this retreat
and i'm still a bit confused about it, after it ended
it seemed so quick
everything happened so fast
when i stepped into my room afterwards,
it suddenly hit me.
my second, my last retreat
was over
i almost couldn't believe it
keeping the times tight
i felt like i was always on the move
the second devotion made me realize
that i was indeed
lukewarm
the type where you vaguely know it, but too lazy to do anything about it
one thing i knew
i was sure tired of it.
tired of being in the middle
of drifting on and off with Him
i wanted my heart to be completely shattered and fixed
so i can realize once more
whom i should live my life for.
i was living in the moment
not thinking of the past
not thinking of the future
just living
there were spurts of segments that touched me
but it seemed so temporary
sure, i had fun, no doubt
but it was hard to get something out of retreat
when you didn't expect anything to come out of it in the first place.
the candlelight sharing brought to my attention how real people were to each other
still.
as more and more faces becoming unfamiliar in fellowship, i feel like i'm drifting off sometimes
but their experiences seem almost identical
our experiences, our failures.
it's amazing how He works.
how He intricately places hand-picked people into your lives
i hope for change in myself
i pray for change in myself
i hope for change in the fellowship
and i pray that retreat wasn't a spiritual high
but an ongoing flame for you know who.